Sfânta: Hell Bent on Heaven

An absurdist solo show that follows Teodora, a lesbian wannabe nun, trying to become a Saint in a 1680's Romanian convent.

COMING UP: “Sfânta: Hell Bent on Heaven” plays at the Mostly Medieval Theatre Festival in Kalamazoo, Michigan this May!

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Teodora just wants to be holy already so she can be revered by pilgrims and perform over-the-top miracles. In the process she discovers that she’s evil, she likes women’s hips, and she has accidentally poisoned the whole convent. One actor, seven characters, and a whole lot of drama, all in one hour!

“Sfânta: Hell Bent on Heaven” was featured in the Minnesota and Philadelphia Fringe Festivals this past summer and fall, and will play at the Mostly Medieval Theatre Festival in Kalamazoo this May!

Playing Teodora

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Playing Andreea

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Playing Tataie Adrian

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Festivals

Mostly Medieval Theatre Festival, May 2019

Philadelphia Fringe Festival, September 2018

Minnesota Fringe Festival, August 2018

Reviews for Sfânta: Hell Bent on Heaven

“Fantastically acted and energetic”

“A multi-character, one-woman show that is hilarious, touching, and absorbing? Sfanta blew my mind.”

“Only 1 costume, 1 ladder, and 1 impressive hour of digestible content.”

“This play had me laughing from the first minute and was truly the highlight of my fringe experience. The characters were well-defined in walk, talk, and mannerisms, and the performer (and writer) managed to mix a pretty esoteric setting with down to earth and accessible protagonists.”

Reviews from the Minnesota Fringe Festival found HERE

“This has new play, queer content, religious content, comedy, and visiting artist all going for it.”

From Single White Fringe Geek blog found HERE

Origin of "Sfânta"

Two years ago I went for a run, and I stopped in the middle of the road because I had a thought: what if I wrote a comedy about a girl who wants to be a Saint, not for the holiness but for the fame? I’m Romanian, what if I set this in Romania in the 17th century, a time when Saints were actual celebrities? And what if I played all the characters? And get out of the road Diana, a car is about to hit you.

Two years later, I've researched and found one of the few women Russian Orthodox saints, Sfȃnta Teodora de la Sihla. The historical Teodora did live in Vărzăreşti, ran to the woods to escape an Ottoman attack on her convent, and became a saint. I wrote my version of Teodora de la Sihla, with Romanian swear words, larger than life characters, and a lot of gay shit. My Teodora is a petty brat at the beginning of the play, and it's only with the help (and criticism) of the other characters that she can stand a chance at being a Saint. 

I turned in "Sfȃnta: Hell Bent on Heaven" as my thesis project, performed it many times at Wellesley College, graduated, and am now unveiling Teodora's journey to the world, one festival at a time.

Characters

TEODORA MOLDOVEANU - 14. Has wanted to be a Saint since she can remember, but mostly for the fame.

IOSEFINA - 16. Laysister, tends the sheep. Mute.

ANDREEA POP - 15. New to the convent from Iași, Moldova’s capital. Cool and rich.

GHEORGHE  - 18. Vlad’s brother and Teodora’s betrothed. Quintessential 17th century fuckboy.

CRISTINA MOLDOVEANU - 25. Teodora’s sister. Very pregnant.

SORA PAISIA - 32. Mother Superior, in charge of the convent and worried about feeding everyone.

ADRIAN MOLDOVEANU - 45. Teodora and Cristina’s father. 

Romanian Swear Words

Întinde-mi-aş chiloţii pe crucea mă-tii – I’ll hang my underwear on your mother’s cross

Fută-te-ar Sfinţii până apari în Noul Testament – I hope the Saints fuck you until you come up in the New Testament

Rahat cu ochi – Shit with eyes

Curvă – Whore

Pizda mă-tii – Your mother’s vagina (actually the c word)